Parenting

 Let's talk about parenting.

It seems to me that kids are very sensitive. You can mold them to be who they will become for the rest of their lives. They are very impressionable. One fear of mine is that I won't be a good parent. I am sure that is a fear for a lot of people. Some might wonder, "how can I raise my kids to be self-reliant?" "What is the most important thing to teach kids to set them up for the future?" "What if I mess up? Then what?" All valid questions, and I know there are many more. My personal question would be, "what are aspects of parenting that I can focus on is that my kids turn out the best they can be?" I want you to know that your parenting will not be perfect. Parenting just isn't ever perfect. We are human and make mistakes. As well as our efforts to teach our kids, they also have the agency to follow your guidance or go their own way. They need to figure out their own lives and experience their own consequences.

Here are some aspects of parenting I want to tell you about so that parenting is a little less daunting. Parents need to understand that children and teens often display mistaken behaviors that stem from unmet emotional needs. Understanding these can help parents respond more effectively. For instance, when a child seeks undue attention, they are usually expressing a need for contact and belonging. Instead of reacting with frustration, parents can offer genuine connection and guide their child in learning to contribute meaningfully at home or in social settings. Rebellious or controlling behavior typically signals a desire for power and autonomy. In these situations, giving children appropriate choices, establishing clear consequences, and encouraging responsibility helps them develop a healthy sense of control.

Other mistaken behaviors also reflect deeper needs. Acts of revenge, for example, typically arise from feelings of hurt and a desire for protection. Parents can respond by modeling assertiveness and forgiveness, showing their child how to process pain without lashing out. When a child withdraws or avoids engagement, they may simply need time to recharge or escape stress. Rather than forcing interaction, parents can teach them how to take wise breaks. Similarly, risky behavior often points to a craving for challenge and competence. Encouraging skill-building activities allows children to channel this drive into positive growth, fostering confidence and resilience. All of this information comes from "The Needs Approach" by Michael Popkin.

I think about my own parents parenting with me. I am sure a lot of kids think, "oh my parents raised me right," but oh did my parents raise me right. Some aspects that I love are that my parents didn't make me busy with sports or extracurricular activities. They didn't put me in any of these things that I didn't like. They didn't want to spend money on something that I wasn't dedicated to. Would it have helped with social skills and other skills, sure. But,  I was free to go play and be a kid. I was free to have an imagination and learn those same skills in other settings. If I did want to do a sport or musical instrument they let me, but only if I was willing to put in the work. I learned the piano. With this, they taught me to not give up on something that I had committed to. Although I wanted to quit several times, they wouldn't let me. I was in. This helped me learn a lot of lessons, which I am very grateful for.

Another aspect of my parents' parenting was work. I helped with the garden, the cleaning, the animals, and the everyday aspects of living as a family. I wasn't bribed to do these things because it was a fundamental aspect of being a family. This helped me feel connected with my family. We all have the same objective. We also bonded through work. I wasn't always cooperative. Saturday morning yard work was filled with eye rolls and scoffs as I reluctantly pulled the weeds and picked the beans.

All in all, I want you to know that no parent is perfect. You will not be perfect. God will lead you in parenting your children. Educate yourself on the negative and positive consequences of certain parenting actions and choose what you will do. You'll do great.