Marriage can be good

 There are so many wrong things that can happen with a marriage. That is why it has scared me so much. I don’t know all the potential reasons why a marriage can fall apart. I wish I did.

How am I to know what’s best for my marriage, and what will make a good marriage last? Not knowing all of this, as well as being presented with a lot of imperfect marriages, gave me a view that marriages are hard and not worth all the difficulty.

I’ve expressed before that I didn’t believe marriage was for me. Something about me is that I love romantic movies. These movies filled me with excitement! I dreamed of the day that my true love would sweep me off my feet in several acts of excitement and devotion. These character couples are so happy in these stories. Rarely would I see them get married and actually have a life together, but the euphoria of that observed “love” made the marriage and spending the rest of your life with that person not matter. I was convinced that this is how life really was. A perfect story book ending, a happily ever after.

My mom would always remind me that what they show in the movies isn’t real, and my life wouldn’t be that way. I would always get so frustrated at that. But, now I see, she has a point.

Finding our eternal companion isn’t like what we see in the movies…. Unfortunately. I think that might be a reason for my disappointment and dissatisfaction with real world marriages. What if there was somewhere in between that I could strive for?

Brother Williams, my professor at Brigham Young University of Idaho, always says, “a good marriage isn’t natural. It’s supernatural!” I believe if we follow what Heavenly Father has laid out for us in terms of a good marriage, then we will have a good marriage. Just like He has a divine plan for our individual lives, He also has a plan for our lives with our spouse. 

We talked in class about some things we need to make sure to do when building a family. One of them is to yoke ourselves with our spouses. This seems like a no-brainer, right? I’ve seen many couples drift farther and farther from each other as life and time goes on. I think sometimes these couples stop doing certain things that brought them together in the first place. They stop going on dates, stop telling each other about their days, stop telling each other they love them, and stop doing a myriad of things. 

My personal fear is that I won’t know how to stop this. A fear that I will make a mistake, or not try hard enough to keep it together, and it will lead to unhappiness and divorce. I assume you have had the same fears. I don't want my fears to come true, I want my dreams to come true.

One suggestion I have to maybe combat this is to be educated. Read about ways to have a successful marriage and dive deep for something that is worth it. Go to counseling. Going to counseling can educate you and your spouse to learn ways to improve in your own specialized situation. Really try try try to know the results of things so that you don’t end up making the wrong choice or, in other words, think before you act.

Obviously, we aren’t perfect. No marriage is or ever will be. We will mess up from time to time because we are human. But, this is good. I see conflict as a way to grow stronger. If you look at that through a marriage lens, then conflict in marriage isn’t disaster. It’s an opportunity to grow stronger together and with God. 

Godly marriages are better. "A defining characteristic of most of the couples we interviewed was that when storms and difficulties struck... instead of turning to a "cold and broken" isolation, these women and men in imperfect but exemplary marriages found ways to draw closer to each other and to God." (Dollahite)

I want you to know that marriage does not have to be what you think it is. God has a plan for your marriage. Will it be filled with sunshine and rainbows? Not all the time. But, you can be happy, and you can have a good marriage. Make sure you know what you want, and how you can create what you want. My views of marriage and family have definitely changed by knowing more, and I know yours will too.