Marriage and Good Communication

 Communication. This is a subject that I really love because communication can fix so much in our lives. I am not the best communicator, that's for sure! Sometimes I wonder how I can possibly get better at it. I feel like sometimes what I say is never actually what I feel, and that I can never effectively communicate.

I know that communication is key when it comes to a happy and healthy relationship. That relationship can be with friends, or a significant other. For those of you who have this as a worry about getting married and starting a family, don't worry. This skill can be learned. This is important to know because couples argue. It is a part of being married. But we can learn how to have effective communication that will bring you closer to each other rather than pushing you apart. One thing I might suggest is that you learn now how to be a good communicator. Create good habits now because they will bless your future.

Have empathy as you communicate. When I talk about communicating, I refer to talking as the main form of communication. Having empathy is trying to see someone else's point of view, and understand where they might be coming from. Can you think of why this would be important in your personal communications and in your future ones that include a spouse or children?

Ask questions! "Ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling." I don't know about you, but I feel very seen when other people genuinely ask me questions and want to know what I have to say. Asking questions can also clarify when things are not clearly understood.

Have respect. "Convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle." I find it hard to communicate in any form with those I do not respect. If we have respect, then words will flow, and resolution is imminent.

Something new I learned about is to make sure to use "I feel" statements when effectively communicating. "Express your own ideas and feelings. Use "I feel" statements, such as "I feel upset," rather than "you" statements, such as "you're wrong!" or "you're making me furious!"" I think this causes us to slow down and evaluate how we truly are feeling. In the heat of an argument we tend to say things we don't actually mean. Why would using "I feel" statements be useful in your everyday communication?

For one of my classes I had to have a deep conversation with someone I was close with. They gave me questions to ask which helped in creating a good conversation. It was important that these questions were clear and kind because that fostered a good conversation. This deep talk with my friend helped me slow down and really helped me think about how I was communicating, and how I could properly convey what I was feeling. As a result of this session of good communication, I felt like we got closer as friends. Our bond got closer. I understood more of what she thought, and she understood more of what I thought. That positive communication filled me. It felt so good.

We communicate a lot. It is really important, especially in marriage and families. I personally want to practice these ways for better communication in my life. I know that they will bless your life if you practice them as well. Your fears of marriage and creating a family are valid. But, they also don't have to stick around. Once again, you can have a good marriage. It will take effort, but communicating well will help so much! I know it will.