Marital Intimacy

This week was so very interesting. This entry will be about us young adults understanding healthy relationships and a loving marriage through sexual intimacy. 

"Just as Jesus used a child in His mortal ministry as an example for the people of the pure love they must and could have to be like Him, He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is."(Henry B. Eyering) 

Healthy sexuality involves a positive and respectful approach. It includes being comfortable and confident with one’s body, showing affection for its own sake, and maintaining mutual agency and freedom of choice in the bedroom. Both partners—whether they have a higher or lower sex drive—feel heard and respected. Healthy sexuality is also restrained and respectful, with strong boundaries, safety, and self-mastery, and is ultimately connection-based, prioritizing emotional intimacy over physical performance. This is very interesting, right? I think that as us young adults understand intimacy instead of being afraid of it. Well, I don’t know about you, but I didn’t grow up with examples of a good relationship that involved healthy intimacy. This honestly hindered me. I haven’t really understood intimacy, so it kind of scared me. 

In contrast, unhealthy sexuality is characterized by shame, discomfort, or dissatisfaction with one’s own or a partner's body. Affection may be used only as a means to initiate sex, rather than being genuine. It involves a sense of entitlement, where one partner may pressure or manipulate the other, leading to feelings of obligation or resentment. It also tends to be unrestrained and driven by impulse, often ignoring boundaries or emotional safety. Finally, unhealthy sexuality is performance-focused, prioritizing physical results over emotional connection. To have a healthy relationship in the future or now, we must understand the difference. 

I want to talk mostly about how us as young adults can prepare for marriage and sexual intimacy in healthy ways. My first suggestion is to talk about it with trusted adults, “Ask a parent or trusted leader about how your body develops sexually, what to do when you feel aroused, and the purpose and blessings of sexual intimacy within marriage. Although it can be an uncomfortable topic, most people are willing to help answer these important questions. Learn about your anatomy, your emotions, and how these things together can motivate you to seek for a loving marriage.”

Second, is to work on yourself. It is better when you are emotionally mature. “Because so much of our sexual expression centers on our emotions and attitudes, mastering social and emotional skills does prepare you for sexual intimacy. These skills give you plenty of ways to form close, rewarding relationships without needing to rely on physical intimacy to create a connection. Remember that physical intimacy does not lead to emotional intimacy, so take the time to develop real friendships before looking for romantic relationships.”

Third, obviously, we need to talk about intimacy with our spouse, or soon to be spouse. “Work together to understand each other’s perspective and then create a shared vision of the role of sex within your relationship. Seeking the advice of a trusted leader, parent, marriage counselor or reading a book about sexual intimacy that aligns with gospel principles can be helpful.”

The last point I want to suggest is to ultimately prepare for your future. Relationships are important, preparing for them will strengthen them and make life happier. “You can create a strong foundation for a healthy sexual relationship within your marriage when you learn to communicate about your sexuality and emotions in open, comfortable ways. Use the correct words. Practice being emotionally and intellectually open and sharing ideas, feelings, and experiences. Then you will be prepared to be thoughtful about your spouse’s needs and concerns. Together, you can continue learning about identifying and discussing sexual needs and concerns to create a loving environment for sexual expression.” 

Marital physical intimacy might be uncomfortable now, but it's important and as you talk and learn about it then it won’t be as uncomfortable. Take these points of advice to educate yourself and your future spouse! I hope this helps you!